Alone Together
by xxil0vey0uxx
Summary: Meredith and Derek's relationship is struggling. Instead of just kissing that woman in DC, Derek did much more: it seems to be the end of the road for the Shepherd family. Can Meredith and Derek survive the storm? Or will their love face its demise?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Many people are blissfully unaware that there is a science behind are three phases to falling in love and different hormones are involved at each stage. Love starts with chemical reactions in the brain:these chemical reactions are very similar to ones people have when they suffer from mental we are attracted to somebody, it could be because subconsciously we like their could be as important as looks when it comes to the fanciability factor. We like the look and smell of people who are most like our can also,help determine whether a relationship will three stages of love are lust,attraction,and is driven by the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen. Testosterone is not confined only to men. It has also been shown to play a major role in the sex drive of women. Attraction is the truly love-struck phase. When people fall in love they can think of nothing else. They might even lose their appetite and need less sleep, preferring to spend hours at a time daydreaming about their new the attraction stage, a group of neuro-transmitters called 'monoamines' play an important role:dopamine - also activated by cocaine and - otherwise known as adrenalin this makes us sweat and it gets the heart ,Serotonin - one of love's most important chemicals and one that may actually send us temporarily final stage is attachment:this is what takes over after the attraction stage, if a relationship is going to last. That is why people say love is a drug its so easy to get hooked and so hard to let is a longer lasting commitment and is the bond that keeps couples together when they go on to have children.

Love has many meanings: when you look the word up in the dictionary it might say "a profound tender,passionate,affection for another person" or a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection." Love is supposed to last forever. With traditional wedding vows couples pledge their lives to one another by saying "for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness." Love is meant to be a ones oasis. Derek andI, our vows were unique they were special to us but still held the same meaning: _"_ that you'll love me even when you hate me, to love each other even when we hate each other…No running. Ever. Nobody walks out, no matter what happens. That we'll take care of each other, even when we're old and smelly and senial and if i get alzheimers and forget you…I will remind you who i am every day…To take care when old, senile, smelly." Our vows crumbled like buildings during an earthquake: maybe we wouldn't grow old and smellytogether. I couldn't see a future for us in two days let alone two years. We are on the rocks.

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 _Your hair your lips the things_ _I'm gonna miss_

 _Dear God I hope you find someone else to love_

 _There were good times but mostly bad times_

 _I held you through the nights and the days and the days and the days and the days_

He cheated I know he did. Why else would that woman answer his phone? Why hasn't he answered my calls? He's probably with her, sleeping next to her, it's 5:49 a.m. in DC. He probably has his arm wrapped around her torso and one of his legs entangled with hers. It's 2:49 here in Seattle, I'm sleepless in Seattle. I roll over to check my phone for the millionth time: Derek and the kids bright smiles illuminate the screen. I yearn to return to those times, those golden ages, when love came so easily and smiles so smoothly. We've fallen on harder times. My feet are cold against the hard wood floors as I shuffle towards Baileys bedroom door. He's just like Derek even the way he sleeps: so lovely. Back when my baby was a baby our relationship, Derek and I, we were so happy. Our bubble could not be popped. If only we knew that two years down the road we would have come to a dead end. No story book ending. No coming up for fresh air. Before I know it I'm opening up a bottle of tequila and taking a shot. The alcohol burns my throat but it soothes my soul. "Meredith." I quickly look down at the bottle, I've only had one shot, there is no way I'm hallucinating. It's not like I've gone that long without sleep. Then came a loud knock on the door. There was the hair. Derek. Here in the flesh, he couldn't answer myphone calls because he was on a plane flying here. "You called and a woman answered my phone."

 _But I,I never meant to meant to make you cry_

 _And I tried to give you every bit of my heart_

 _But we tore each other apart_

 _You wanted time, its better now we say goodbye_

"I called and a woman answered your phone." It's 2:54 in Seattle. Four hours till I'm supposed to leave for work: four hours in which I will receive answers. "Did you sleep with her?" My body aches as if the words were bullets along my tongue. He waltzed over toward the couch: he was getting ready for a story. A hand quickly swept through his hair and his eyes turned grey. "Mer." He didn't have to continue. I knew the answer. I wanted to know every nuance: everything that happened. Did he like it? How many times did it happen? Did he tell her that he loved her? Did he promise her that he would return that he had to return to Seattle to "take care of the breakup?" Even if it makes me sick I need to know how he let it happen. How he let us shatter. The truth hurt more than the not knowing. It all hurt but knowing it actually happened- the pain is indescribable. Cristina went through this with Owen right about she aborted their baby. It nearly killed her: she missed work for days. Owen though, he really had something to be upset about, what he did wasn't right but it was predictable. Derek, he was needy. "So you do this to all your wives. Just cheat because it's easy: because you're missing love. Is that all I was to you just a way to get over Addison by getting over me." I knew it wasn't true. I knew what we have-had was love but if it was true how could he just through it away like a broken toy? Derek was filled with rage he flew off the couch and was standing in front of me: " Don't you dare question our life together. Why would I be here if I didn't love you! Just because I made a mistake doesn't mean I don't love you!" My knees buckled as I slid down the column. Tears were welling in my eyes but I couldn't let them go: I need to be strong. "How could you love me and have sex with her?" He took a step toward me but I scooted away. I couldn't be near him without feeling like I was about to break. " I'm sorry." The ducts were open tears began to stain my cheeks. He could say he was sorry but I could never get over it. Derek crouched down next to me and attempted to put an arm around me:"Stop!" My word echoed throughout the house in that instant I knew that it woke the kids. I could hear Bailey crying by the time my foot reached the third step with Derek on my heels. I whipped my head around, " And you, you can stay here." Zola was standing in her door frame her big puppy dog eyes meeting mine. " Hi baby, come here I have a surprise, first we have to get your brother." Zola ran over and grabbed my hand as we entered Baileys room. His eyes as bright as Derek's and in this very moment it hurt to see them. Yet there he was on my hip as I descended the stairs: Zola saw him instantly and quickly let go of my hand to meet him. "Daddy," Baileys head which was originally on my shoulder shot up once he heard the word "Daddy". "Dada," I put Bailey on the floor and let him walk over to Derek. I quickly made my way over to the counter and threw the bottle of tequila in a cabinet: I yearned for this moment for months. I wanted my family back together but not like this. Of course the kids were elated to see their father but as quickly as they saw him he was taking them back to bed. I didn't want him to come back down: I didn't want to face our unhappiness. The truth always hurts.

 _I know your telephone calls, they always felt so long_

 _I tried to pick you up,but baby, you brought me do_

 _And I can't be your crutch, gave you way to much_

 _I held you through the nights, and the days and the days and the days_

Derek was back way to soon and he stood there with the same eyes Zola had given me only minutes earlier. "These last few months have taught me so much. All I wanted when we first came here was to know that we would leave together. That our life together was life till death. Not at first, after that night in the bar but later maybe once Addison came around. That's when I realized I loved you. That I wanted to fight for you. But from the minute I sat down that night and was what a struggle it was I could feel it, I felt like I was going to be suffocated. Yet here we are. The last several months I have laughed more, I have done more, enjoyed myself more. Hell, I became a better surgeon because of it. I have- had a streak. But I've also cried a lot. The kids cried so much and I can't give them answers. You will never know how my heart broke when I had to look in our sons eyes and tell him that I didn't know when daddy would be back. And I finally feel free. I learned how to live without you. I learned how to make myself happy. And by being free, I can see now that constantly trying to fix us is the thing that's been killing me slowly. And I don't want to do it anymore, I don't want to fix it or fix us anymore. I just want it to be natural but it isn't like that anymore. These pieces don't fit together anymore. We don't lean on each other anymore. We've fallen apart one to many times. Maybe instead of loving you so hard, I should just be myself for a while. I should be the sun. I deserve to be the sun. I should love me. And you should love you, and together we love Zola and Bailey, rather than… I want so much for you Derek. For both of us. So much more than this. More than being stuck with someone who feels stuck. I want you to feel free too. I'm not saying that we are completely done but for right now we are because I can't get past this with you constantly being around. You can't stay here I don't care where you go but it won't be here. It can't be here. I still love you but I can't show it now. We can't be us. So you need to go. You be me and I will be me but we will not be us. "

* * *

AN: Hi everyone I hope you enjoy this story. This is my take on when Derek cheated on Meredith but it is obviously more than just a kiss. The italicized text is from a song,Goodbye, by Paul McDonald and Nikki Reed. The final paragraph, Meredith's rant, is from Greys Anatomy originally Callie said it to Arizona but I adapted it for this story because I felt that it fits with where I want this story to go. I hope you enjoy this story so far.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 **AN:FYI this is the same chapter as last night I only deleted it to make a slight change. I really did not want to start this chapter out on a bad note but I believe that some things must be addressed. I received some "constructive" reviews: thank you for the review though :). Anyways, I really do not understand why people would read the entire chapter if they think it is "trash". I surely do not read an entire story and then decide I hate it. I do not even review because I do not believe it is worth my time. I explicitly said in the description that much more happened in DC if you can not handle that then do not read it;simple. If you do not want to read about FICTIONAL characters having affairs then do not read it. Also, shoutout to the person who said the writing is "squished" these things I write are called paragraphs this is not free verse thus, I am following the normal writing style. Once again, since people seem to overlook details if you do not want to read about Derek cheating on Meredith please exit this window because I do not want to hear your complaints. Now, on with the story!**

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Similar to love there is a science behind hope: hope is hope is "the belief that _the future will be better than the present_ , along with the belief that _you have the power to make it so_." We all believe that we are rational creatures: when it matters most we will be able to think clearly a make a decision. The human brain is lying to itself, most of the time we expect things to turn out better than they wind up being. People underestimate their chances of getting divorced, losing their job,or being diagnosed with cancer; expect their children to be extraordinarily gifted; envision themselves achieving more than their peers; and overestimate their likely life belief that the future will be much better than the past and present is known as the optimism or hope. Hope keeps us going: when every cell in our body tells us to give up hope raises its voice and tells us to fight on. We hold on to hope because we all want something to believe in. We are hardwired to yearn for a "fairy tale ending".

Life begins when the hope is gone: once someone throws a rock at your glass house what are you supposed to do? Some people without thinking, would scamper about searching and collecting the shards. As the glass pierced their hands and blood stained the ground they would begin to wonder what led them to that very moment. To being broken and bloody. Others, would walk away because some denizens of the world lack the desire to fight. These people would walk over the glass and take some pieces with them but they would never look back. The rest of the people would analyze the glass and ask themselves: "How can I rebuild? I know I will survive but what should I repair first?" They are the best people the ones who awake something within themselves once hope is lost.

* * *

The game,memory, the one we all played as kids is more than just a game. Our life is full of memories: memories of all kinds. Still, we have these things called core memories. Core memories are changing points in our lives. For some it's their high school graduation, the first time they had sex, or when they received their first job. Some of my core memories include: when my mother slit her wrists when I was five, graduating med school, the shooting, getting Zola, the plane crash, marrying Derek, Baileys birth, and now this cheating scandal. All the strings inside me broke and I knew that no matter how hard I tried I would always be a lesser version of myself. Our life together, Derek and myself, seemed like the game memory: the one with the cards that contain pictures. Our memories were scattered about my brain the good and bad ones: I keep trying to match them to see what brought us to this place. No matter how hard I try I can not find any matches: the picture is not clear. I've replayed every sentiment of Derek: " _If there's a crisis, you don't freeze. You move forward. You get the rest of us to move forward because you've seen worse. You've survived worse,and you know we'll survive, too. You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw. It's a strength. It makes you who you are,_ " being my personal favorite. We were so happy then, not a care in the world, maybe we were in that "honey moon" stage. My heart is burning: not my actual heart because if that was burning I would probably have a heart attack. Instead, the Valentines Day heart, that is the one that is burning. Derek has not been home in days I have no idea where he is living and I have not seen him in the hospital: I know he has been at the hospital, he has even preformed surgery because I saw D. Shepard scribbled upon the board.

 _Could it be that we have been this way before  
I know you don't think that I am trying  
I know you're wearing thin down to the core_

"Hello, earth to Meredith!" Oh Amelia was here, standing next to me and I was in the hospital; when did that happen? She looked pissed: her eyes the same as Derek's were like the ocean before a storm. " I'm sorry for what he did. I want to kill him for you. This is going to sound horrible but why didn't you tell me? We could have gone full Shepard on him. He might have even cried!" Oh Amelia, she stepped up so much in Derek's absence. The kids adore her and Owen: sometimes I think the kids love those two more than Derek and myself. Zola is obsessed with Amelia and everything she does: I think we have an aspiring neuro surgeon on our hands and Bailey, even though he is still little adores Amelia. I can see the glimmer in his eyes when she speaks to him. Zola has Owen wrapped around her finger: when we have a movie night and if Amelia and Owen are there Zola makes sure she squeezes herself in between the pair. Owen surely does not mind: I think it makes him feel like part of the family. "Sorry Amelia I was typing the memo the title was going to be McDreamy Cheats. So sorry I have yet to post it on the board it's only a rough draft." It was harsh, even for me, once sit left my mouth I felt like I was Cristina. "Amelia I didn't mean that. It's just been a lot to accept. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to think that I wanted to on my side in order to team up on your brother. Also, I still can't talk about it: this whole situation is so raw. Talking about it is like putting salt on the wound." There they were the enemy, the tears welling in my eyes: I could not cry, not here. Someone would see me and run to Derek and ask if I was okay. If he knew if something has happened to me and he would have to say "no she's fine," or "we are fighting,": and I do not want this place knowing my business. The nurses have enough to talk about: they think Owen and I are having a fling, if only they knew.

 _So breathe in so deep  
Breathe me in  
I'm yours to keep  
And hold onto your words  
'Cause talk is cheap  
And remember me tonight  
When you're asleep_

"Derek slept in the trailer last night . He asked Owen if he could have it back for the time being. So I guess I'm asking if Owen can stay at the house: he said he can stay with his mother but that's just weird. You won't even know he's there." Young love, Owen and Amelia were still in that touchy feely phase in which they want to be together every second: it's was painfully adorable. "Of course he can stay Zola and Bailey love their Uncle Owen." At least I made one member of my family happy. The kids were a different story. This morning, Zola and I engaged a war: " _I want Daddy. I don't want you! Why isn't Daddy here? You're the reason he left. I want him back. I love him more!_ " Of course I was upset but I was not surprised by Zolas out burst: it was one of many since Derek left. She would wake up in the middle of the night and scream for Derek and no matter how hard I tried I could not console her. She wanted her Daddy back and I did to but I wanted the man that he was before he left for the night of the prom, so many years ago Derek told me:"you're the love the love of my life. I can't leave you. But you're constantly leaving me." He was right, I was running away from him because the idea of loving him scared me. Derek was everything I never had but never knew I wanted. Derek is like a snake charmer: he knows exactly what to say but I guess what Cristina said is true: he's dreamy but he is not the sun, I am. I should not let what he wants eclipse what I do I let him go? I love him I will never stop loving him. There is no way to forget our past: how could I just through away our life together since it took us so long to get here. Still, how could I ever trust him. How could we be as close as we once were? We can't just sweep this under the rug but we can not make it the focal point of our love. While he was gone I learned that I could live without him but I do not want to.

 _Don't make me change my mind  
Or I won't live to see another day  
I swear it's true  
Because a girl like you is impossible to find  
You're impossible to find_

Before I knew it I was standing outside of Owens office: I quickly knocked and entered not waiting for a formal acceptance to enter. "Oh my," Amelia flew off of Owen, I have never seen her move so fast. Luckily, she was fully clothed but I know if I had arrived a minute later I would have seen way to much of her. "Maybe it's a good thing you are both here. I really need one of you, or both of you, to take the kids home tonight. I want to speak to Derek and I know if I bring the kids home I will never have the chance. So I'm going to leave now and you can return to what you were doing before. Please, don't do it in front of my children though."My streak ended today: some would say it was because of Derek's return but all good things must come to an end. Still, I cursed myself as I entered the attendings lounge. There in my little cubby stood a vase filled with a variety of flowers: I knew they were from Derek. As I approached the flowers I noticed a card stuck between some of the stems.

 _My Dear Meredith,_

 _This is not the way I wanted return home to you and our family. My ignorance has caused you so much pain: I refuse to call it a moment of weakness because I know I was stupid to do what I did. Still, I want you to know that I love you and no I do not regret our life together. I still want to grow old with you. I want us to be together when we are smelly and if you get Alzheimer's I will remind you who I am everyday. I want to die when I'm 104 in your arms. I want to make more memories in our dream home. I know that right now you feel as if I don't love you but that is anything but true. Callie once told me what Mark said to her right before he died:if you love someone, you tell them. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you're scared that it'll cause problems. Even if you're scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there. So, I love you Meredith Grey and I want to get past this, together. I booked a session with for tomorrow at 5 pm. I hope you meet me there._

 _Love, Derek_

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 **AN: Hello everyone I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter. For all of you stating in the comments that you did not like that Derek cheated here we are at a turn in the road. I hope this makes a few of you happy. The italicized text in between the paragraphs is from the song Fall For You. Also, please tell me if you would like me to write longer chapters.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

 **AN:I would like to thank everyone who is supporting this story and for leaving such wonderful comments. Also, the following prelude to the chapter is from the Bible: not trying to ''offend'' anyone but it fits so deal with it.**

 _If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,but do not have love, I gain is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love._

We all think we would be happy alone: we pride ourselves on the idea that we could thrive while living a sedentary life. Truly, we are lying to ourselves: we all grow tired of waking up lonely. Waking up with the other side of the bed being cold because we have lost our love. Still we put on a brave face because we do not want anyone to know that we are hurting: our hubris is our demise. One day, like they all do, our lover enters our lives and asks us "How have you been," or "Are you doing okay?" Maybe, they truly miss you but most of the time they just want to know if you are still hanging on. Instead of crumpling like a house of cards you look your lover and the eye, smile, and say "I'm great I hope you are too," and you walk away. As you walk down the avenue memories begin to flood your mind and all you can think about is how your lover should have listened: maybe if they would have been honest, if you would have been honest, you would not have destroyed one another. You will eventually tell yourself to give them time but also, to give yourself time to wake yourself up from love. That enough is not enough and you still love one another: though the love will not be rekindled for many moons. So you will start to forget everyone else and allow that person to reenter your life because they have reentered your dreams. You forget everyone and everything else and you hope that love does not leave you high and the last your love fails because that what happens to star crossed lovers. When it is time to walk away you curse yourself because you wish you could change the way that it would end. Now, its hard to believe that your love has failed once again: you begin to learn that love cannot be your life preserver and that sometimes love is your anchor. Maybe, if you pass each other on the street you will exchange a pleasant smile maybe even say "Hello" but you two will never be how you once were: your dreams have died.

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 _My Dear Meredith,_

 _This is not the way I wanted return home to you and our family. My ignorance has caused you so much pain: I refuse to call it a moment of weakness because I know I was stupid to do what I did. Still, I want you to know that I love you and no I do not regret our life together. I still want to grow old with you. I want us to be together when we are smelly and if you get Alzheimer's I will remind you who I am everyday. I want to die when I'm 104 in your arms. I want to make more memories in our dream home. I know that right now you feel as if I don't love you but that is anything but true. Callie once told me what Mark said to her right before he died:if you love someone, you tell them. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing. Even if you're scared that it'll cause problems. Even if you're scared that it will burn your life to the ground, you say it, and you say it loud and you go from there. So, I love you Meredith Grey and I want to get past this, together. I booked a session with for tomorrow at 5 pm. I hope you meet me there._

 _Love, Derek_

I always prided myself on the fact that I never yearned for a knight in shining my armor: my mother never read stories such as _Cinderella_ and _Snow White_ to me as a child so I never understood why other little girls fawned over them. As I aged I learned not to rely on people: my parents had failed me so why should I trust people that did not even share my blood? Then Cristina entered and forever changed my life: that was the first time I leaned on someone. Derek, quickly followed suit, some would say he was like coming up for fresh air. Even through the trials and tribulations to reach this moment in time he was my rock: my blessed anchor. I quickly grew attached to the idea of love and relying on people: I soon began to realize that it life was not measured by the quantity of people around you but the quality of those people. Family, a word once foreign to me, seemed to become everything in an instant: Derek,Zola, and Bailey without a doubt were my family. Derek became my knight in shining armor. Ours is a unique story one that did not start with a kiss to awake me from a deep sleep or from a glass slipper fitting: ours began over tequila and scalpels.

Derek pulled a McDreamy and if Cristina was still here she would be on the floor, laughing, at the flowers and note. With word such as "I'm sorry for the pain I have caused you," Cristina would have tears rolling down her cheeks. I too, am sorry for the pain Derek has caused me because I thought I knew pain, raw emotion, but I was wrong. "If you love someone, you tell them," now it was my turn to have tears stain my cheeks: the salt water left long warm streaks upon my face. We are the Titanic and this may be out iceberg. Everyone knows the story of the Titanic: that the ship was unsinkable. Yet it encountered an iceberg and everyone knows how that ended. When Derek and I were first married everyone fawned over us like we were a jewel in the crown: we were that relationship that everyone yearned for. "Even if your scared that it will burn your life to the ground," my feet met the carpeted floor for the first time in hours. The Dream Home is so lonely at night while the children are asleep and the lights are off: it seems like a house in a horror filmed. Derek's presence always filled the house with warmth and love and we have been lacking that. When Derek first built the house I despised the large window in the kitchen I thought people would be able to see in: obviously I was not used to the idea of living basically in the middle of nowhere. Still, through the window if you looked closely you could see the trailer. The trailer, Derek's home for the time being is still illuminated. I walked over to the cabinets, ascended the counter, and grabbed a bottle of tequila. A little liquid courage to warm the depths of my soul. Almost instantly I could feel the alcohol coursing my veins:bliss was achieved. The light from the trailer was a crack in the facade.

There was already dew on the two am grass: as I glided towards the trailer the grass became my red carpet and I became a star. Looking at the trailer to the house I began to realize just how much Derek and I have overcome: we truly should not be together. Our stars have yet to align the univers keeps throwing curveballs. Still we could not strike out. Quickly, it became difficult to walk across the grass the empty bottle of tequila that still lays on the counter is a prime example:still I am a woman on a mission. The exterior of the trailer was cold under the palm of my hand: I have not stood on this deck in many moons this lo shack now belongs to Amelia and Owen. Still, I can fondly recall the nights that Derek and I spent here: those many nights so many years ago. When happiness together seemed to be many light years away and sharing our love with everyone was forbidden. All our nights spent in secrecy because he was trying to fix things with Addison, its funny to think that we are still the same people. I am still the girl that fell for her attending. He is still the boy I met in the bar. Even if it seems our motives have changed internally, externally we are still the same and I know that if we fell into bed together tonight my body would still lay perfectly with his. Finally, I do not know if its from the tequila or my own inner courage I found the power to knock: as if he was waiting for someone Derek was at the door before I could even remove my hand.

"Hi." He stood had that McDreamy smile that made me fall for him: many years ago I decide that if I woke up to that smile everyday I would always be happy. I would never want anything more than to see that smile everyday. "Hi." Without waiting for an invitation I found my way into the trailer: it still looks the same. Obviously, Owens clothing hangs in the closet and some of Amelia's but if I did not know any better I would say that it was our stuff: Derek and myself. "Did you get the flowers?" I made my way over to the couch and sat down and he across from me on the bed. No beds for me tonight. "Yes, they were beautiful. Thank you." Things are awkward. People always talk about an elephant in the room we never had one when we were together until now. "Are you drunk Meredith? Im not asking because I'm judging:just asking."

"Yes, I am maybe a little." Of course I am I can smell the tequila on my breath. " I didn't come to talk about how I am drunk. Before you ask, the kids are fine:Owen and Amelia are at the house. I came to talk about us. I do not know if I want to go to the appointment together. Sending me flowers does not mean that we are fine. Money cannot buy or fix our love. What if I do go, it will not mean that we are fine. How can I ever trust you again? I was waiting for you here: your family was waiting for you and then you went and screwed that woman! Now I know how Addison felt when she met me. I hated her when she arrived and popped our bubble: now I regret ever having an ounce of hate for her. You wrote that beautiful note and you say that you love me but how can you still look me in the eye after what you have done. How can you sit there right now and act like I should just drop this? As if I am the one that did the deed. You are the not the sun and I will not die if you are not around. You are not my oxygen. Still, I know I do not want to live a day without you: but I do not know if I can ever love you the way I did a couple of days ago."

"Mer- I do not have anything to say: I know nothing that I say will change your mind about what I did. It is something neither of us will ever forget. It cannot be forgotten: we need to remember it so that we can move on. So we know what we can never go back to. This is our rock bottom. I can look you in the eye right now because without a doubt I loved,love, and will always love you Meredith: now matter how long it takes to hear you say those words back to me I will wait. Loving you is priceless."

"That still is not enough." I quickly rose from the couch and exited the trailer with a trail of passion lighting my way home.

 **AN: Another chapter comes to an end. Still, I know some of you will be mad at me for the way this chapter ends but that is just to bad. Obviously before you have a rainbow you need some rain.**


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